Today is a Special Day...

Military Spouse Appreciation Day :)
I want to thank every military spouse out there!

Thank you for your service and sacrifice.

Thank you for supporting your military loved one the way I support mine.

You are all awesome and deserve to be honored each and every day!

New Look.

Yes.  I redid the look of the blog again.  This poor thing gets so neglected.
Hubby never posts because he says there is nothing to say.  There isn't much going on with the military at the moment.  I only see the uniform one weekend a month.  We have yet to figure out when his summer training will be.  We're just living life.
Life with a new beautiful baby daughter of course.  She is such a blessing to our lives.  I've had a difficult recovery from her delivery that has caused some stress but I love being a mother.

365 days ago...

November 23, 2009
It was such an emotional day.  I picked my husband up from the Nashville International Airport and our first deployment ended.  I was so excited because he was finally home.  I was also nervous because he had been gone so long.  People change over the course of the year.  Was he still going to be the man I fell in love with?  Between our wedding day and that day, he had only been home for short breaks.  I saw him a mere forty-five days collectively in our first year of marriage.  That night was the first night I felt that we truly lived together even though it had been over a year since our wedding day.  That is part of military life.  You don't have to be in the same house, or even the same country, to be connected to one another.  But it was still so nice to have him home.

And Today,
To answer the question I asked earlier, yes he is the same man.  Sure there were minor changes.  So minor that I can't even point out any specific changes.  We had to learn to live together but honestly, it felt like he'd always been there.  We picked up like he'd never been gone.  But he had been gone.  He missed out on a year of my life and I missed a year of his.  We each had our own memories and life experiences that didn't include each other.  None of that mattered.  We had kept each other in the loop and there was very little to catch up on when he returned.  Now we're used to each other.  Sure we have stressful times and we don't always agree but that's just a part of marriage.  And now we have a beautiful baby girl.  Our lives have changed so much and so little in the past year.  All I know is even with the not so good moments, it has been wonderful to have my husband home.

bad day.

usually i try extra hard to stay in good spirits about the deployment and normally its not that difficult to do. but because i try so hard to keep it all together i thing i've earned a few bad days, they just come at a horrible time. they come on days when i have to be happy and social. like this weekend. i've cried myself to sleep the last two nights. the big empty bed is a very rude reminder that husband is so far away. however, not all of my stress is deployment stress. i have a few other issues that i am stressing over. actually last night i was questioning what of the four things i was more upset about. i deciding that it was just everything happening at once. i know that this weird mood i've found myself in will fade eventually and i'll get to go back to my normally happy self. its just a long road getting there. normally i would have monday's off so i would get to pull myself together today but apparently this week i was needed. thankfully its only for four hours. then i'll have to go to staples to buy ink for my printer and then to walmart to buy a bridal shower gift. i'm hoping today is kind of slow at work and i hope most of the stock is already done but that might be too much to hope for. we will see when i get there. wish me luck.

holiday.

i love the meaning of today's holiday. today is memorial day. it pays honor to our military past and present.
i would like to take the time to thank every person who has served in the united states military. for those who lost your life, i hope your legacy lives on. for those who are retired i hope that you are appreciated for the sacfrifice you have made. and for those who are currently serving i want you to know you are always at the top of my prayer list. my husband is out there with you so i understand at least a portion of what you are doing for our country.
thank you all!

Military Spouse Appreciation Day.

this is for all military spouses around the nation!
thank you for your patience and your sacrifice.
as a fellow military spouse still fairly new to this life,
thank you for the hope and encouragement i get from you all!

embrace. (also on my personal blog)

last night's church service was exactly what i needed.
one of the hardest things about my husband being deployed is that when i don't feel well or i'm stressed and overwhelmed, i have no one to hold me and tell me everything will be alright. he can try his best to soothe me on the phone or in an email but sometimes thats just not enough. as a woman, sometimes i need the physical contact of my husbands arms wrapped around me and the way he gently kisses my forehead. well here lately school and allergies has wiped me out so last night at church i knelt down on my knees and prayed to God for peace (as has been normal since my husband's mobilization) but something was different. as usual i got the wave of peace that can only come from God but i literally felt his arms wrap around me. God knew that i was longing for my husband's embrace and he satisfied that need. i serve an amazing God. no one else could step in and fill that void but i serve a God that can.
needless to say i LOVE being a child of God!

my reality.

marrying a man in the army was not a part of my childhood fantasies.
i, like most young girls, imagined waking up to my mystery husband's smiling face every morning.
well there is no mystery to who my husband will be.
i've found the man who completes me and we've said our vows.
but sometimes i will still have to wake up all alone.
its my reality.
the man i married also made a vow to serve his country.
a vow that will sometimes supersede his "i do."
this means sacrificing his time and maybe his life.
there are times when i will wonder "what if he doesn't come home?"
not because i don't want him to...just simply because he might not.
my fantasies were wonderful while they lasted but they have been put aside so i can embrace my reality.
life isn't always fair.
bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.
military life can seem even more unfair.
our loved ones spend months away.
contact can be limited.
wives all around the world wake up alone,
doing their part in the war on terrorism.
and sometimes our loved ones don't come home.
yes, this is the reality i have chosen.
i've had people tell me that i'm crazy.
and others have shown gratitude for my strength and sacrifice.
all i know is that God blessed me with jesse.
he is more than i could have ever hoped for.

i love my husband, he loves me, and we both love God.
for us this is enough to sustain us during the obstacles of life.
even military life...

if only it were the law...

"If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married."
Deuteronomy 24:5

thats one of the laws from the old testament that i wish was still standing. it would be nice. but thats just not reality anymore. but i'm so proud of him. he is doing such a wonderful thing for our country.

"you don't sound sad"

saturday i worked with a girl who hadn't worked in awhile. she hadn't seen me since jesse left so she didn't know he was gone. when i was telling her when he left and how long he'd be gone she interrupted me and said "you don't sound sad." to be honest she ticked me off. of course i am sad. of course i miss him. i am going to have days when all i want to do is lay in bed and cry but i don't think i should have to sound sad every time i talk about jesse. my life can't suddenly stop because he's not here. i am a christian...i believe that God can bring me the peace and strength i need to have happy days during this deployment. i don't have to hide in some black hole just because my husband is doing a wonderful thing for our country. i am so proud of him. yea i may have bad days and i will shed plenty of tears before he comes home again...but as a child of God i have plenty of reasons to smile too.

obsession.

jesse posted a blog and included a link to a video he wanted you to watch if you wanted to know why he is willing to fight the war on terror. i wanted to do you one better. here is the video broken down into ten smaller videos. watch one...watch all...it doesn't matter but please just try to understand why someone would risk their life to protect america. this will be a long post due to all the movie clips but thank you to all those who take the time to watch them...

video 1 of 10


video 2 of 10


video 3 of 10


video 4 of 10


video 5 of 10


video 6 of 10


video 7 of 10


video 8 of 10
Unable to embed so here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLXZpOG4VCI

video 9 of 10


video 10 of 10


this may not affect your home and family directly but it affects fine greatly. thank you for your patience and understanding. i urge you all to support our troops. if you did not like this post then i am sorry you feel that way. hope everyone has a wonderful day.

one of those nights...

okay so i'm having one of those nights. you know, the kind of night where the entire week catches up to you and all you can do is sit and cry. well my emotions haven't just been building for a week...they've been building since november 30th. jesse mobilized that weekend and is in new jersey. i get him home for christmas but when i say goodbye to him again on january second there is a very good chance i won't see him again for a year. no i'm not exaggerating...literally a year. i'm not ready. i don't know how to get ready. he's never deployed before. neither one of us has any idea what it will be like. i'm just so afraid, which isn't unusual for me but this is different. i made him the promise that i would wait over two years ago and i have never doubted my ability to follow through with that promise. i have to wait, i have no choice. but he won't come back the same. he will change, its inevitible and that is what scares me. will i love the man who comes home? will he love me? i won't be the same either but i don't think i'll change as much as he will. its just scary.

The song i'm listening to right now (lovely computer timing):
I tried to paint you a pictureBlack and white didn't fit you
And all along
You were shaded with patience
You're strokes of everything
That I need just to make it
And I could see that
Lord knows I have failed you
Time and again
But you and me are alright

We won't say our goodbyes
You know it's better that way
We won't break
We won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are
All we are is everything that's right
All we need
All we need
A lover's alibi

I walked a minute in your shoes
They never would've fit
I figured there's nothing to lose
I need to get
Some perspective on these words before I write them down
You're an island and my ship has run aground

Lord knows I have failed you
Time and again
But you and me, we're alright

We won't say our goodbyes
You know it's better that way
We won't break
We won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are
All we are is everything that's right
All we need
All we need
A lover's alibi

Every single day that I can breathe
You change my philosophy
I'm never gonna let you pass me by

So don't say your goodbyes
You know its better that way
We won't break,
We won't die
It's just a moment of change

So don't say your goodbyes
You know its better that way
We won't break
We won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are
All we are is everything that's right
All we need
All we need
A lover's alibi

So don't say our goodbyes
I know it's better
We won't break,
We won't die

sorry for the side track, back to the post. but the song makes a good point. we hope he won't die. we hope we don't break. but what about not saying goodbye? it is after all just a moment of change, a moment that lasts a year anyway. i don't like goodbyes. jesse and i say "bye for now" or "night for now" when we end a phone conversation. i hold on to the "for now" part with my everything. it is my hope until we talk again. i need that hope. i just don't know what i'm going to do without him.

Another side track...The daily bible verse on my sidebar:
"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Romans 5:3-5

now i know the bible is right. we should rejoice in our stuggles. life gives us mountains and valleys for a reason. all help us shape and mold our lives. they give us a choice...our way or God's way. i pray that i always choose God's way. i can't afford not to...

okay so tonights post took a couple of twists and turns. sometimes my brain just does that. thank you to all who read it for caring enough to keep up.

thirteen days.

lucky thirteen. i've already started my countdown for when jesse comes home again and thats how many days he has left...thirteen. i started earlier than usual this time. not sure why. maybe its because of everything else i have going on.
of course i'm really excited about him coming home but this time should be extra special. i actually get to pick him up. and this time it will be at the airport. i've never done that before. either his unit has brought him back to his car or his mom has picked him up. i'm really looking forward to the experience and i'm looking forward to having my hubby home even if its only for eleven days...

jesse's address...

i have one for him so if you want it let me know. the address i give you will only work while he is in new jersey. he will be home from december 23rd to january 2nd. no idea when he is leaving the country. we are assuming sometime after he returns to ft. dix in january. i will give everyone the option of knowing his out of country address as soon as i get it. if you wish you can put me as the return address on the letters so once i have an updated address i can pass them on for you if one arrives after he leaves. i'm assuming they'll send them back and not keep them. i don't mind, jesse loves mail. my address will change a week from today so ask and i'll give you the new one. hope everyone has a wonderful day. wish me luck on my history final.

its easy and free...

election day.

if you haven't voted yet then please go vote.

SUPPORT YOUR COUNTRY!

i seriously doubt you'll regret it.

A Military Wife's Prayer

Give me greatness of heart to see,
The difference between duty and his love for me.

Give me understanding so that I may know,
When duty calls him, he must go.

Give me a task to do each day,
To fill the time while he is away.

When he's in a foreign land,
Keep him safe in your loving hand.

And Lord, when duty is in the field,
Please protect him and be his shield.

And Lord, when deployment is so long,
Please stay with me and keep me strong.