3.16.2009

deployment to date.

so the deployment has officially begun. he's been out of the country for almost a month now. its still very surreal. people keep asking me how i'm doing and as usual i say "okay" because i don't know what else to say. i've decided that there's no way for me to really know how i'm doing. this deployment will set the precedent for every other deployment. i feel okay. so far i'm not terribly upset with him being gone. now i've had some hard things happen that i had to deal with without him. but those situations would have still been hard with him here, i just wouldn't have felt so lonely going through them. its sad to say but i feel kind of numb about him being gone. its weird because i'm such a paranoid person but i really haven't worried about him being in danger. i know that i have mentally and emotionally prepared myself for the worst as best i can and am actually quite proud that i'm not living in constant fear everyday. that is quite an accomplishment for me. but i'm sure will compare every other deployment to this one. it will be "i feel sadder this time" or "last time i was more/less preparred"...stuff like that. right now i have no way to know whether i'm doing alright. i've never done this before. i'm doing better than i expected but the deployment is still young. we will see how it goes.
plus he should get his R&R sometime in april or may. i'm kind of worried that its so early in his deployment but i'm really excited about seeing him. i'll try to update this blog more often. i've mostly been posting on my personal blog.

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